Phew.  Wedding plans are finally getting finalized.

Ceremony location - check
Ceremony organist - check
Ceremony officiant - check
Reception location - check
Reception caterer - check
Florist - check
DJ - check
Cake maker/decorator - check
Dress - check
Shoes - check
Registry - check

Things left to do:
Bridesmaid dresses
Wedding veil
Wedding hair stylist
Wedding makeup
Reception music (first dance, father/daughter dance, etc)
Purchase favor bags and contents
Purchase invites and programs
EDIT: Choose cake design

It's rather upsetting to know that I am so addicted to Joshua that I cannot function without having him around or knowing what he is doing.  I feel so sad when he isn't around and we can't talk or whatever...  He's been on leave since Thursday and goes back on Monday.  Because he's been gone though, we haven't been able to video chat since Wednesday night.  We still talk but I miss seeing his face and getting to see his smile as we discuss our day.  It's just not the same over the phone.

So apparently his sister is engaged but not engaged.  In other words, they've set a date for their wedding but they aren't actually engaged because they don't want to steal the limelight from Josh and I.  Which I kinda get but think is very silly.  Unless they're getting married like a year after Josh and I, we're going to be sharing the limelight together.  That's just the way it is.  I guess I'm lucky in that I don't have to worry about that considering none of my siblings are "on the market," as it were.  Susan won't get married until she finishes medical school (2015), Adrian (if he goes to USNA) can't get married until 2017, Allison doesn't graduate high school until 2014 and probably won't marry until after college...and Ian, Ian graduates high school in 2016.  Which means none of my siblings will be getting married until probably at least two years after me.  I guess I'm lucky in that way.

I completely restarted my wedding planning.  Same date, time, location, etc but I decided that I didn't like trying to do what other people wanted and am trying to do what I want instead.  That means that I have been     starting over with wedding plans working on a proper theme that I really like.  And here it is: a forest.  Our colors are blue, green and purple - like sage (or mint), sky blue and lavender.  I want it to invoke a peaceful forest meadow with trees and a cloudless sky.  With small purple flowers poking out amongst the mosses at the roots of the trees.

And that's the way it is.

I miss Josh.  11 days.

I miss Joshua so much.  There are many times when I really just want someone to talk to, someone to hug, someone to snuggle with, etc and he's not around.  When I want to go drinking, he's not here.  When I want to get coffee, he's not here.  When I want to go driving, he's not here.  When I want to go to the mall in Lone Tree, he's not here.  When I want to sleep in on the weekends, he's not here.  When I want to stay in bed on cold, snowy days with hot chocolate and a book, he's not here.  When I want to watch romances, he's not here.  When I want to watch action movies, he's not here.  When I want to kiss someone, he's not here.

He's not here.

Having to be away from him is terrible.  I don't know how I will survive when he deploys if I can barely manage when we're separated for the ten weeks it has been so far.  It will have been 13 weeks when I see him again.  It's amazing to know I'll see him in three weeks but it's just difficult having to be away from him.

I just want him here with me.

Soon.

I graduate in 254 days which means in 257 days, I will be his wife.

So, I have changed a lot of my bridesmaid plans, etc. within the past little while in an effort to get back to what I really want my wedding to look like.  I seem to play around with other people's ideas until I can't stand it any longer and then I revolt and go back to what I originally wanted anyway.  But at least then I can say I tried their idea ;)  Brilliant, right?

So here's the deal.  First, it was marine blue, gold and silver.  Then it was black, gold and silver.  Then it was green and silver and black.  And now it's back to black.  Although it might end up a charcoal grey, which I would be okay with.  The idea now is that instead of having colored sashes, I will have the bridesmaids all with a very brightly colored bouquet of a different color which matches their shoes which matches the groomsmen's ties/vests.  (I am not sure if I want them in vests or not yet).  I think it looks really nice and will meet my mom's desire for color and my desire for bridesmaids in black...sort of.

And we're finally getting catering almost finalized.  Josh and I just have to make a few more decisions on appetizers and I think we'll be good/ready to go.  It's kinda nice to know it's almost all done since it's so incredibly stressful and takes so long to figure out...  And, the cool thing is that I'm thinking I will make my bridesmaids' bouquets out of artificial flowers so they can keep them as a keepsake (I'll get them all diamond charms or something as well) which will cut down on costs a lot too!  If I only need one bouquet, plus corsages and boutonnieres...that'd be pretty awesome. :)  I am touching base with the florist in December and then again in March to finalize plans, etc.

Anyway, that's all the wedding stuff that's been going on.  Josh is doing well at UPT.  He had a formation solo the other day and has been getting caught up on flights after being down for half a week for weather and a week with a viral infection.  He's finally ready to get back in action.  I'm so proud of him - and it's only 50 days until I see him again :)

The song "Jesus, Friend of Sinners" has been speaking me to a lot lately.  For some reason, Casting Crowns always seems to know exactly what I need to hear...  Anyway, here are the lyrics and a link to the youtube video.  I recommend it to everyone. :)

http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=KZGWKLNX

Jesus, friend of sinners, we have strayed so far away
We cut down people in your name but the sword was never ours to swing
Jesus, friend of sinners, the truth's become so hard to see
The world is on their way to You but they're tripping over me
Always looking around but never looking up I'm so double minded
A plank eyed saint with dirty hands and a heart divided

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

Yeah...

Jesus, friend of sinners, the one who's writing in the sand
Made the righteous turn away and the stones fall from their hands
Help us to remember we are all the least of these
Let the memory of Your mercy bring Your people to their knees
Nobody knows what we're for only what we're against when we judge the wounded
What if we put down our signs crossed over the lines and loved like You did

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks yours

You love every lost cause; you reach for the outcast
For the leper and the lame; they're the reason that You came
Lord I was that lost cause and I was the outcast
But you died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

'Cause You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever
You are good, You are good and Your love endures forever

Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to world at the end of our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners, break our hearts for what breaks Yours

And I was the lost cause and I was the outcast
Yeah...
You died for sinners just like me, a grateful leper at Your feet

I haven't been blogging much lately because I started journalling again and as much as I love writing everything twice, it was getting kind of meh.  So that's why I haven't been as consistent.

I've been trying to find Save the Dates, Invites and a first dance song for Josh and I.  It's been a very long, interesting time.  I am pretty sure I have the invites I want and everything so that makes me happy :)  And now I'm just trying to find a first dance song...

Soooo....a friend of mine got engaged and was showing off her ring the other day.  Being engaged myself, I asked to see her ring.  It was kinda....yellowish and really didn't sparkle much at all, despite the fact that it was 1.5carats.  I looked at it and very smugly said, "Oh, that's nice. would you like to see mine?"  And then I proceeded to wave my far superior, sparkly ring in her face.

And I didn't feel bad about it at all ;)

I love my ring.

I love my future husband :)