So recognition is almost over. The freshmen have been doing well so far. We had 10 fall out but 9 of them have returned. The one kid has been doing a very difficult job.

The best part was when we had like 10 upperclassmen yelling at this one frosh. One kid was like "I have a torn ACL and I can wall sit longer than you can!" and another guy was like "I'm on a FORM 18 and I can do this better than you. A FORM! 18!" It was amazing. The form 18 guy had the frosh do a shake weight which was hilarious.

I'm hoping Josh's letter arrives today. I think it will but I'll be quite upset if it doesn't. :) I get to see him in two weeks though which is fantastic!!

Just finished doing all but two homework problems from my materials science class since the last GR. I really shouldn't let myself get behind. I think it's about time for me to take a quick, 1 hour nap, followed by engineering math homework until...whenever. I feel so unmotivated to really do work which is probably because I don't actually have a reason to...besides getting homework done. :)

I should also do some studying for my probability and stats as I have a quiz on Thursday. It's really nice not having to worry about anything much this week though. I just have two quizzes and an essay to focus on. Not really much at all. :) Makes me super happy.

Only thing that is really annoyingly on my mind right now: Joshua. It's frustrating that we haven't talked much this weekend. Oh well...life goes on...

Tried on my ring dance dress and shoes yesterday and danced around the room. It was fantastically fun :) Makes me highly motivated to lose weight for the dance.

Which is why Colby and I have joined myfitnesspal and are dedicated to getting in shape. We're both strictly doing 1400 calories a day AND are planning on working out every T-Day. We both are members of 24hr Fitness and are highly motivated to get in shape. We're both planning on dropping about 15lbs by ring dance - 18 May. Two months, definitely possible. I'm also focused on getting super in shape for my PFT/AFT 11/12 April... or something like that. Which means cutting 2.5 minutes off my run time and getting from 20 pushups to 50 pushups....Life continues.

Time to grow on in life.

Oh life....how do I loathe thee...sometimes...

I really need to study and have exactly zero motivation to do that. I mean, my prog gpa was MUCH too low but I can't really seem to bring myself to buckle down and study my butt off. I think I'm so distracted with television and stuff. This weekend I plan on spending some time watching television and then dedicate about an hour or so each to doing engineering math, probability and statistic, engineering mechanics, materials science research and fluid mechanics. I might even dedicate some time to machine design...

I was kinda looking forward to a quiet weekend but my roomie has decided to stay here this weekend. Normally, I wouldn't mind but I sort of wanted some time to myself...maybe she'll go to her sponsor house or something. I'd like to just turn on music, dance naked and then study laying on my bed or whatever... It'll be interesting.

Two more classes until the day is over and I'm quite thrilled. I think I'll take a nap after I finish school. I was going to go for a run but I really need sleep. I can run tomorrow sometime - probably better to do it then anyway as it will give me a break during the day... So, life continues for me.

Josh apparently wrote me a letter and then went and bought some stamps so he could mail it to me :) I'm really excited now. I love mail and I can't wait to get a letter from him. I think I'll also dedicate some time this weekend to answering my mail which I haven't answered yet - letters from Josh, my mom, Dave, my sponsors, etc. It'll be quite fun.

I haven't had a weekend to do whatever I want in so long - I quite literally cannot wait. SO EXCITED.

Josh left for UPT today. I'm really sad and spent most of last night bawling my eyes out. Managed to get through most of today without crying but everytime someone hugged me or whatever, I didn't think I could hold it all in. I almost cried in Mitchell Hall when someone, not knowing Josh had left, made a slightly insensitive comment. And....yeah. I feel like half my heart has disappeared. :/

Prog came and went. I had a 2.09 GPA which is MUCH lower than I would want but still higher than I expected. I was anticipating a 1.96 so the 2.09 made me quite happy... If I get a 3.5 GPA this semester, I'll be on Dean's list. Difficult but possible. As long as I do a TON of work. I need to basically get A's on the rest of all my assignments from here on out and get really good grades on my final exams.

Lots of exciting things happening in my life right now. I just need to finish some homework for tomorrow :)

And he's leaving in like 10 days. I'm kind of concerned that I'll be a complete and utter mess when Josh leaves for Columbus but I'm sure it will work out. We're trying to plan visits and such: him to DE end of March, him to CO middle of May, me to WA July, me to MS October.... But still. It'll be highly unfortunate that he won't be here. And weekend visits won't be enough. Oh! me to MS in November. :)

I got like 5.5 hrs of sleep last night and am barely functioning right now. I'm eating and watching TV while trying to stay awake. I'm sitting Command Center right now so I have to stay up. However, as soon as I finish CC, I'm going back to my room, changing into blues and passing out for 30 minutes or so... I hope I can stay awake during the closing ceremony but I honestly don't have much hope haha... Ah well...c'est la vie.

So, Josh started IFS on 4 January. It's been a rough month for me without him meeting me for coffee, calling me everyday, etc. It's really given me a chance to realize just how much I unintentionally have grown to rely on him. I used to think that I would be perfectly fine if anything happened and that when he left for Columbus, it'd be sad but not terrible. At this point, however, I'm already planning trips to visit him while he's at pilot training. It's actually going to be somewhat terrible... I miss talking to him, I miss seeing him but most of all, I miss hugging him. Not even doing anything, just standing there with my head buried in his chest and his arms wrapped around me. It's so comfortable and makes me feel safe and at home.

Which is another thing I've grown to realize. I'm equally at home with Josh as I am with my family. He's become so much a part of my life that I consider him my family. I consider him to be one of the most important parts of my life, right up there with my family. I would do anything for him, as I would my family, in a heartbeat.

How sappy and romantic. This is terrible.

School is going well. I'm enjoying my classes and seem to be doing relatively well. Yet again, this semester people seem to think I'm an incredible genius with a 3.something GPA. Surprise, no. However! I think there may be a chance that I could get above a 3.0 this semester if I really work hard. I believe I could probably pull an A in my philosophy class and also in my probability/stats and failure analysis class. I think I'm looking at a B for machine design and fluid mechanics. As for engineering math and materials science... I'm not really sure. Probably a low B/high C in engineering math. As for materials science...it all depends. I really don't know for sure.

I've been watching "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" (2009 version) with English subtitles. It's very interesting and I'm actually really enjoying it. I think they did a great job in keeping it true to the book. The sexual abuse scenes weren't too obscene either. I mean, it was obvious and disgusting what was happening but they kept it relatively within bounds of common decency.

Tomorrow is Friday followed by the weekend. I can't wait! Hopefully, I'll get to see Josh :)

After a glorious Christmas break, I have returned to USAFA. I'll write about my break in another post. This one will be more emotional ;)

I have been a huge mess of emotions lately. I have quite literally cried everyday in the month of January. It's rather upsetting because I'm not the emotional, crying sort. I just notice Josh and my relationship changing and it saddens me. We've gone from cadets together to a cadet/officer to now, a long-distance relationship where I cannot talk to him on a regular basis. It's especially difficult now because my family is on a cruise and I cannot talk to them either. So, I am, to a certain extent, all alone.

Of course, I'm really not all alone. I've been praying a lot more lately and listening to more Christian music and reading my Bible every night. All things I had fallen away from doing since break began. Just realizing that I have this need to be with people and connected has forced me to draw closer to God and embrace His love and greatness. One of the songs I've been singing to myself a lot lately (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2JR-fUGf-k&feature=related) is "In Christ Alone". The part where it says "my comfroter, my all in all, here in the power of Christ, I stand."

Life continues.